Realized I was dreaming this morning.
Kinda surreal since I apparently won’t allow myself to change course.
Of course my first reaction was to try to make out with a girl I haven’t seen in a year.
But noOOoo. I get psychically called back to my childhood bedroom five or six times for constant self-inflicted guilt trips.
I like girls. Especially mannerisms from non-reflexive thoughts.
A sad smile of number 4, near the end, haunts me.
The view going up the rim.
Things that shift with use or perspective. Not quite magical and not quite surgical.
I successfully cyberstalked a girl I held hands with at Pride.
Which I felt super guilty about later.
This might be a new low.
Sit on a cactus.
And I gotta admit. Stupidest reason to get crazy drunk I’ve ever had.
No. Claire and Marten are my only ship.
Go over 111 circuits and look at all of the projects for Advanced Lab,
Maybe talk to some professors over email,
Ask Em or Kevin how the hell you get to actually doing programming stuff from the online beginning class things,
Bike on family vacation,
Meditate or yoga or find good books for clearing the mind,
Dance less like a drunk white girl,
Bring the guitar to Cal to mess around a bit,
I wish I were more of an asshole so there would be a reason for all my friendships to fail other than confusion, tepidity, and nerves.