I hate having free time because I realize I can’t create anything, I’m not indispensable to anybody or anything that I’m involved with, and I’m not a big enough part of anything to spend the hours doing that.

I think I could probably do pretty damn well on this midterm just by putting in two or three hours of cramming Tuesday afternoon but I’ve spent way too long not putting in as much effort as I needed to to get good at something and I think I might be at the point where I’ve swung over to the other extreme to the detriment of all else.